So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
