Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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