My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
17 year olds will be the death of me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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