you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
