Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
