he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
