one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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