just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
