i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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