You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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