then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
