My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
