dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
