new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
