trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
