There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
