If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
