My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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