So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
