Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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