god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
