roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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