By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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