I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
