I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
