He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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