I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
God, I missed his penis.
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