Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize