I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
