You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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