You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He passed out mid-signature
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
