Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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