To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
