The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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