peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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