you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
