This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
