dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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