we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
