my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
