:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
