The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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