Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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