Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
