i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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