fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
two words: eviction party
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize