Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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