what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
