called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
