The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
