ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
