i just made my gag reflex go away.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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