We're facebook friends in real life
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He shit in the fireplace
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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