Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
