She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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