So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
