the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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