Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
