Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
