Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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