I'm eating all of the evidence.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
