Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
