I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
