Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
pray to the hookup gods
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
