No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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