Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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