Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
