I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
