Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
