I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
dude. I can hear the air.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
