what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
