apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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