I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
