WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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