so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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