Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
