...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
