I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
