you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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