oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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