Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
