I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
