omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
