He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
