I CAN MOONWALK!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
