I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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