i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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