Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
