He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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