dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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