i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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