Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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