Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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