It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
