Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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