The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
