so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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