I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
