U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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