the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
