Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
