Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
