Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize