...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
