the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
