am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
